Being a single mom is hard work. You juggle bills, short either your kid or your job (or both) on time and attention, and you fight a constant war to get at least the major stuff completed. In the midst of this chaotic life, you try to remember to do the little things that are actually the most important...trips to the playground, stories, games, MEMORIES. Somehow, you usually pull it all together. Not because you're SuperMom, but because you have no other choice.
At the end of your battle, you usually reap a reward: You produce a productive member of society, someone who may one day better the world, who treats people kindly and understands the value of hard work.
That's the usual reward. However, if you're a single mom to a kid with struggles, that reward often seems unattainable.
Obviously, different kids have different outcomes. And even moms with partners walk a rough road for their special needs kids. But the difference is that I simply don't have as much time to focus on helping Dom because I have to go to work. There's no one to tag to do the laundry, dishes, or grocery shopping when I'm overwhelmed. There's just me.
So as far as Dom goes, I had a moment this morning when I was reduced to a sobbing mess on his bedroom floor, wondering whether he'd ever be able to hold down a job, whether he'd ever be able to graduate from school, hell...whether he'd ever be able to read a story without someone forcing him to focus on each individual word. And those are just my worries for TODAY!
What started this morning's descent into despair? It took Dom 45 minutes to put on his shoes. And that was after 30 minutes of yelling at him to get dressed before I gave up and dressed him myself. It wasn't that he was ignoring me. It wasn't that he was deeply involved in anything else. It was simply that he would start to put on a shoe, then see something way across the room that he had to do right that instant...so he'd forget about the shoe. Lather, rinse, repeat...all morning. He missed the bus, I took him to school, I was late for work.
Last night we spent 30 minutes attempting to read a book before I realized he couldn't focus on the words because the amount of text was distracting him...so instead I pulled out a new stack of sight word cards that he breezed through on his first try. I don't know how to fix that for him. Knowing individual words is great - his teacher says he has an incredible vocabulary. But when it's time to put it all together, it instead falls apart into a big heap of SPD BULLCRAP.
Today, I'm frustrated. And angry. And so, so afraid that my baby may never reach his full potential. Which makes me worry even more...
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