I picked the worst "father" possible for my son. I'm not going to dredge up bad memories here. But there's a reason I have full custody and worry that he may show up to wreak havoc. There's a reason I refer to him in my thoughts as NGEFMK (Not Good Enough for My Kid). Fortunately, he seems to have no interest in popping back into our lives these days. In my last four e-mail exchanges with NGE , he contacted me to ask for money (um...NO). As an afterthought, he ended each e-mail with, "How's Dom?" The first three times I gave him cheery updates on Dom's life and never heard back. The last time, though, I simply responded, "You should call and ask him that." He hasn't, and he won't, unless he could use that contact to make me miserable.
But that's a GOOD thing. Just take my word for it. Dom does miss NGE, but he understands why he can't see him. And honestly, our day-to-day life is crazy enough that the topic rarely surfaces. When it does, Dom alternates between wistfulness and anger. But he knows he's safe.
It helps that our lives are more stable, more secure, less chaotic without NGE. That has enabled Dom to thrive and grow into himself in ways that he couldn't while tiptoeing around NGE's um...issues.
It also helps that Dom is blessed to have some great male role models in his life. Some of them have always been there, filling in the blanks all along that his father left unfilled. Others are more recent additions to our world, and they've already made a significant impact on my baby. After being let down for so long, Dom is finally REALLY realizing that he can count on some men (comments about apples and trees to yourselves, please).
Dom now prides himself on being a big boy. He's taking quick showers instead of sponge baths...this is the kid who used to shriek when a raindrop hit him. He resists the urge to use his earcovers unless/until a noise is about to drive him crazy...that's helping him build up his tolerance to certain sounds. He usually remembers to clean up his messes...this from a kid who previously wasn't able to even see a mess. He doesn't do his nervous sensory tics as often, either...it's been a long time since I saw him spinning (his sleeves are still having holes chewed into them, but he's getting there).
Mostly, though, I'm thankful for the other improvements I've been seeing in Dom. He's happy. I mean really, really happy. He smiles and laughs more. And that's thanks to one particular man who's entered our lives and picked up the pieces. Who's stepped in to shoulder responsibility that isn't his. Who's gone out of his way to show Dom that he CAN when he says he can't. Who's loved him and been a steady rock when Dom most needed one.
That man is pretty amazing.
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